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Care Tips for Men

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More men -- husbands, sons, sins-in-law, brothers and nephews -- are finding themselves actively involved in caring for family members with Alzheimer's disease. Currently, about one third of all primary caregivers to the elderly are male, a proportion that is likely to grow.

Men face some unique challenges in caring for a wife or mother with Alzheimer's. They are often forced to learn new skills or behaviors which life, up to that point, has not required.

Becoming a caregiver may include taking over many tasks which women traditionally did, such as shopping, meal planning, cooking, laundry, and even personal intimate help with bathing and dressing. As a dementia progresses, responsibility increases and may be translated into frustration and stress, especially if a man has competing demands, lack of support or is experiencing his own physicial problems.

Support groups offer a forum for exchanging information, and a social outlet (a sense of not being alone) for people who are experiencing similar situations. Practical, immediate, relevant information is often available at these meetings -- for example, how other husbands manage finances, household chores, and the unique supervision of wives with dementia.

Remember, problems you face as a male caregiver are probably problems which others have faced before you. Their suggestions may be applicable to your situation, or may trigger your own ideas about possible approaches.

Generally, men do not have support systems that are as well developed as women do. Women are more likely to talk with each other about their problems, true feelings and ideas. A man, on the other hand, tends to limit the intimate details of his life to discussions with his spouse -- chief confidante, friend, lover, nurturer and partner.

A male caregiver whose partner is experiencing dementia not only loses this emotional support from his wife, but begins to provide support in her traditional domains. At the same time a man is losing his wife to dementia he is, in essence, losing his connection to a social world.

Men: taking care of yourself is important. Helping someone cope with dementia while you learn to meet the demands of caregiving can seem to occupy all your time and energy. Get enough sleep, eat well, exercise regularly, maintain social and church connections, reflect, talk and remember: it's okay to laugh too. Continue to do those things which have always given you pleasure, and both you and the person you're caring for will benefit.

A support group can substitute in part for lost social contacts. Group members have a first-hand knowledge of what you're experiencing. The meeting can be a place where feelings of frustration, grief, despair, discovery, acceptance, and even humor, can be expressed. Realizing that others have faced similar problems and discovered ways to handle them can make your problems more manageable.

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courtesy of the Marin County Chapter of the Alzheimer's Association


In the Northern Virginia Chapter Service Area, for more information about Care Tips for Men, please contact the Chapter's telephone Helpline at 703-359-4440 or 800-207-8679. Outside Northern Virginia, please contact your local Chapter.

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Last updated: March 8, 1999

Please return to https://www.alz-nova.org or
call 800-207-8679 or 703-359-4440
for more information about services in Northern Virginia.

© 1997 - 2000 Alzheimer's Association, Northern Virginia Chapter. All rights reserved.

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